my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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