no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
