she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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