some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
