I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
