my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
