I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
