And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
