Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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