I feel like abortions should bother me more
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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