i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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