Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
