my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
