I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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