I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
