summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
