everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
