Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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