Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
