He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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