Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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