can u get pink eye on your cock?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
