I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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