mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
