oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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