She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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