I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
