The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
