Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Can Purell be used as lube?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
