her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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