Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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