I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
The Olympian is in my bed
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