it was like his penis was on wheels.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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