he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
