3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
