there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
