Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
i think my cat just said my name.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
