Me too!
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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