just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
