Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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