I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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