youre lurking in front of me
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
