Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
