i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
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