Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
