Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
