remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
