Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(716): View more from New York

speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms

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(201): View more from New Jersey

My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?

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(501): View more from Arkansas

Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.

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(606): View more from Kentucky

Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.

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(479): View more from Arkansas

Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?

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(520): View more from Arizona

Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.

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(778): View more from British Columbia

All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW

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(613): View more from Ontario

I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn

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