I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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