Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Randomize
